The laughing giraffe
Once a upon a time in donut city somewhere in the middle there was a Zoo and in that zoo there was many different animal but one stood out more than any other that one was Jerry, Jerry the giraffe Jerry had a sense of humor actually a big sense of humor anybody would say anything and you know it Jerry would laugh not just laugh his head of one day a little 4 year old went to the zoo and saw Jerry the laughing giraffe his name was Timmy. Timmy said something very very very very very very funny and Jerry the giraffe stood there just stood there Jerry the giraffe didn't laugh mr.green the zoo keeper thourght Jerry diden’t hear it so mr. Green told Timmy to say it again so that is exactly what's timmy did he said it and Jerry the giraffe still didn't laugh so the next day mr green took Jerry the Giraffe to the hospital for a check up brooke the doctor said there was nothing wrong with Jerry so mr.green toke Jerry back to the zoo from that day on jerry never laughed a month later mr.green was not happy that Jerry wasn't laughing so mr.green sat in Jerry cage with him and said why aren't you laughing is there something wrong Jerry said yes I just found out I have a brother mr green felt bad for Jerry so mr. Green said fine DONE!!!!!!!!! We are going on a hunt to find him so the next day Jerry and mr.green snuck out of the zoo really early and!!!!!!! To be continued
I like your introduction and your ending I wish you would use more punctuation
ReplyDeleteI think you did well at catching the audience but you need to put in full stops.
ReplyDeleteA really neat story next time use more punctuation
ReplyDeleteRead though it aloud and catch all the mistakes
ReplyDeleteGreat story Abby. You used very well decriptive words and have used capital letters for Jerry. My wish for you is to add in speech marks so we know when someone is talking and add in some full stops where you run out of breath. Just a tip you can add ... instead of !!!! at the end of your story. Other wise the story is AMAZING... From Brooke
ReplyDeleteA very well written piece of feedback Brooke, I'm sure that Abby will find that useful when improving her writing.
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